Ok, I might as well jump right into it. Guys, I am a monster.
Actually, I should be more careful with that. I was at my cousins a few weeks ago and I told her I'm a monster lately and her two year old looked at me wide-eyed and said, "You're a MONSTER?"
But seriously. Ask Dega. Even he doesn't want anything to do with me.
I am usually a pretty calm, peace-loving person. I get my frustrations out by blogging about them. I am generally not confrontational at all.
But as it turns out, there has been this evil version of myself hiding inside me all along, just waiting for a fresh batch of hormones to bring it roaring to life. As Caleb so delicately put it the other day in the grocery store when he saw that I was about to ram my cart into the ankles of the next person to enter my bubble, I am a little "aggressive lately."
Let's rewind a little. At this time last year, I was having a really rough time because of my recent miscarriage. I vowed that when I got pregnant again, I would be happy to have morning sickness. I would be praying for it. From what I had read, morning sickness meant a more viable pregnancy. To a mourning, albeit naiive girl like myself, it didn't seem like a drastic thing to say. But don't make a bargain with the devil if you aren't willing to pay.
(Sidenote: is it bad to refer to my pregnancy, my little gift from God, as making a deal with the devil? Just trying to decide how early on I'm going to start giving this kid issues he'll need therapy for.)
This time around, the morning sickness came, set up camp, and refused to leave. Granted, I didn't have it as bad as a lot of women do, but we also need to take into account that I am a major baby, so my pain is felt more strongly than most. Right?
I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks before we left for DisneyWorld. We had been looking forward to this trip for as long as I can remember, so I decided to make the best of it even though there was a sign outside of every ride saying "expectant mothers should not ride." Oh yeah? Well I live on the edge. I do all sorts of crazy things that expectant mothers should not do, like stand in the kitchen while the microwave is going, or sometimes even eat lunch meat! So I'll be darned if a mouse is going to tell me what to do!
Oh, I have a point: you know when you eat your favorite meal in the afternoon, totally unsuspecting, and then that night you are hit with a flu bug and suddenly you can't even think about that food without feeling nauseous? Well, DisneyWorld is my new favorite meal. It happened to me with McDonalds fries once, but this was much worse.
So I guess I can feel slightly justified in my newfound rage, because after all, if I couldn't be happy in the happiest place on earth, then where can I find refuge??
I'll tell you where it's not. It's NOT in the second trimester, where I've been waiting patiently for weeks now, because all you previous moms out there told me I'd be feeling better by now!
Do you see what I mean? What happened to the sweet Anndee, the one we all knew and loved? What happened to the girl who thought she would love being pregnant, would happily make the toilet bowl her Home every morning just for the simple fact that it meant her baby was healthy?
Well, she's still here. Sometimes she comes out, like when I see a cute commercial that makes me cry. Or when I felt the baby move for the first time, Or when, at the last ultrasound, we got to see the baby dancing around and kicking it's legs.
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It's incredible. And by that I mean, it's difficult. It's scary and new and different, but if things are so hard now, I can just tell there is going to be a great payoff in the end.
So this year, that is what I'm thankful for! Even if I do have a Grinchy side this year.