What You've Got

It's the worst when something bad happens and you look around for an adult to help and realize... you are the adult. 
I'm not sure when that happened. The last thing I remember is being little for what felt like an eternity, and all the while wishing I could be a grown-up. Grown-ups had it all. They could eat as many cookies as they wanted. They didn't have to go to school. They were allowed to watch The Simpsons, a show I was certain must have been the most glorious show on the earth simply because I wasn't allowed to watch it.
I remember when I was 9, for some reason I wanted to be 11 really bad. I thought 11 year olds were the coolest. When I was 11, my life would be made.
But then, when I really did turn 11, I wanted to be a teenager. And once I was a teenager, I couldn't wait for High School. But once I was in High School, all I wanted to do was graduate.
I'm not sure what it is in us that always makes us want what we don't have. Because now, I look back and I wish I could be a kid again, at least for awhile. I didn't have to work. I had someone monitoring my cookie intake (turned out to be necessary for me). My biggest concern was whose house I was going to play at that day. And when I was going to finally grow up, of course.
It's not any better now that I'm older. Once I finally get the thing I've always wanted, I enjoy it for about two seconds before I start dreaming about the next thing. It's not even material things: when I was in college, although I pretended not to be, I was always really concerned about finding a husband. I was worried that if I didn't find him soon enough, all the good ones would be taken and I'd inevitably die alone, or worse, scouting out dates from the Brigham Singles Ward. Once I found Caleb, it was like this huge sigh of relief: Oh good, there he is. If I could have just relaxed and trusted that it would happen when it was supposed to happen, I could have enjoyed those years a lot more. I would have been a lot less concerned about the future, and more thoroughly enjoyed the present.

Of course, I say that, but I can't take my own advice. I finally married the man of my dreams, but then I needed a house. And then I needed a puppy. And then I needed that house to be fixed up nicer. And then I needed a baby. And until I have that, I won't be happy. I can't. But I'm patiently waiting until that day when I can be happy.
What skewed thinking. I finally sat back and really thought about it. I thought as far into the future as I could imagine, and asked myself if I would allow myself to be happy then. After we have all our kids, after our debts are paid off and I've made millions writing books, will I be satisfied? Will I at least be able to sit back and enjoy it?
As it turns out, this dude was a few thousand years ahead of me with this quote:

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” -Epicurus

And it's true. There was once a time in your life where what you have right now is exactly what you'd always wanted. -Anndee Fonnesbeck

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