To the 16 year old girl whose car struck Officer Ellsworth

To the 16 year old girl whose car struck Officer Ellsworth last Friday,

I, like the rest of the community, have been thinking about this story a lot. I didn't know Officer Ellsworth, but in such a small town I knew people who knew him. I've met a lot of people this weekend who were upset and depressed about the accident. And every time I forget, there is a new post on Facebook to remind me. Like everyone else, we are all thinking of the family of this highway patrolman.

But I want you to know, whoever you are, that we are also thinking of you.

My birthday is in a couple weeks, and it just dawned on me the other day that this year will mark 10 years since I got my driver's license. I remember my birthday that year was the first Wednesday of the month, which was a late start day. My mom took the morning off work and drove me to the DMV to get my license. Then she refused to let me drive myself to school. Still, I thought I was pretty cool. I can remember that day so vividly. I remember feeling so grown up. But that's the thing about being young: time is different. A year is so long, and you change so much. As you get older, time speeds up. A year passes and you barely notice sometimes. I'm only 25, but I imagine with each passing year, it gets worse.

At 16, I didn't really realize how recently I had been a child. How my parents and grandparents must have still seen me that way.

The first place I got to drive was to my work Christmas party. I wanted to take back roads to elongate the drive and stay away from other drivers, and I ended up getting lost. In Brigham City. It was not the best start to my driving career, and it was definitely a sign of things to come. (I still get lost everywhere I go.)

I just remember it being a fun and exciting new experience. It was like a ticket to adulthood and freedom.

But now, I look back at all the close calls I've had. It's not that I'm a bad driver, it's just that things happen. There were countless cars that almost collided with me, scary snowstorms where I almost slid off the road, even little kids running out in the street and I only just slammed on the breaks in time.

Close calls. Those moments that leave your palms sweaty, your heart beating fast, and teach you to be more alert and careful next time.

I was not ready to drive at 16. But I had to learn somehow. And I am still learning.

What happened last Friday was terrible. But I think one of the hardest parts to swallow was that it had to happen to you.

A girl who got her license less than a year ago. A girl who was a child only a couple years ago. A girl who probably hadn't learned a lot of those hands-on driving lessons, and who had to learn this one the hardest way possible. A girl who is probably scared to drive anywhere now.

I don't know the details of what happened, because I wasn't there. But I do know that the media has been covering this story like crazy. I know that the support from the community must be a huge help for the family. But you... what is it doing to you?

I was relieved to see the family offer forgiveness to you in their statement made yesterday. I want you to know that even without knowing you or them, I can tell you it's heartfelt. I can tell you they won't blame you. No one blames you. Our hearts break for you that you were the one behind the wheel in such a horrible tragedy. But no one blames you.

Whatever you believe, please know that these things happen for a reason. I believe God consecrates even these worst moments in our lives to be for good. When something horrible happens we feel the weight and sadness of it, but it's not usually until later that we find the little miracles, that we realize God was there all along. Watch for the miracles. Wait for the signs from God. And let it remind you that everything that happens to us is for our good.

A few months after I got my license, my oldest brother was in a bad car accident. His girlfriend was driving down the freeway when a car from the other side of the road tried to make a U turn in the emergency turn around. Their car was struck and thrown into a semi, which was then dragged and crushed. My brother, who despite constant reminders throughout his life never wore a seatbelt, was thrown from the car. His legs were dragged along the ground. His girlfriend died instantly.
He should have died. He was in the hospital for a long time. When he finally made it through the worst of it, we were told he would lose his legs. He didn't.
It was a miracle.
But through all those times in the hospital, waiting to hear what would happen, I don't think my family ever had any anger towards the car that caused the accident, or the semi that hit them. I never even remember hearing much about the car that struck them, but I remember hearing about the driver of the semi, who was haunted by what had happened.

I truly believe that we don't always know how we affect people. For all we know, we did something to cause an accident behind us and never saw it happen. But for you, to have this happen and then to have the constant reminders on social media has to be devastating. When I heard today about the passing of Officer Ellsworth, I thought of his wife and kids, and the family we saw yesterday as they made a statement.

But then I thought of you.

And I just hope that there is peace for you.

I hope you can see that our accidents, our mistakes, even our reckless decisions, and the consequences of those actions, are not who we are. We can't be defined by moments like that. So throughout the rest of your life, I want you to remember not to let it define you. It was one moment. And yes, it might be the worst moment of your life, but there will be so many others worth living for. There will be happiness and peace again, if you let it.

It took the family of this Officer only days to offer you their forgiveness, and I'm willing to bet their forgiveness really happened instantly. So if there is any good you can take from this, let it be the ability to forgive yourself. Let it go. Don't live with the weight of this any longer than you absolutely have to.

I hope, as a community, we never learn your name. I hope you are able to take some level of anonymity with this experience. But no matter who you are, just know that we are all thinking of you, praying for you, and most of all, hoping you can move on.

It could have been any one of us behind the wheel that night. And I am so, so sorry that it had to be you.


46 comments:

  1. Beautiful and very well said. I have been thinking of her all day. Such a tragedy for both families. My heart is with her today and the family of the officer.

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  2. Anndee,

    Thank you for this post! It is beautifully written. This young girl has been deeply embedded in my thoughts this week as well. My heart has ached for her. My heartfelt sympathies go out to the family of Officer Ellsworth,to the Highway Patrol who have lost one of their own, and to this young girl! I pray that she can feel peace and forgive herself knowing that it was a tragic accident. The Lord had a greater plan for Trooper Ellsworth. Much love and prayers for all involved!

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  3. Beautiful you are a very sweet person to have written this for that young girl. I hope this brings her some comfort. <3

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  4. Beautifully written, and such an important message for this girl and others who find themselves in similar situations.

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  5. My heart goes out to all of the people involved. I hope this young girl can forgive herself and find peace. Prayers for all of them.

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  6. Prayers for everyone. 💜💜💜

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  7. Although this was a tragedy for everyone involved it did not happen because of a deliberate act it did not happen because you were breaking any laws it was an honest to goodness pure accident one than can happen to anyone of us my hope for you sweet young lady is that even though you may never forget you will let go of any guilt you may feel I hope you don't think you could go back and change things you can't this will surely change your life forever but let it change you for the good reach out to others who need help or need to learn from your experiences become a stronger and better person live your life to do good for others and yourself if you let this experience in your life bring good onto the world through you that will be a loving tribute to Officer Ellsworth it is my wish for you to carry always the knowledge that this was an accident a true accident nothing more stay stronge hold
    your head high and know there is love in this valley for you

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  8. Thankyou! My heart aches for everyone involved and your words are truly inspired. I pray both families can feel love and support!

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  9. I agree with your kind and well-articulated thoughts. I prayer for her, and hope she finds forgiveness and healing eventually. I have a 16-year old daughter who would have been terribly traumatized if this was her. We love you, girl, even though we don't know you.

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  10. I agree with every word that has been posted. This was an accident. I know you did not do this on purpose. I have been in those almost moments. In Brigham City I was delivering invitations for a daughter's bridal shower. It was dark. I would stop at houses and even go across the road so my kids could run invitations to someone's door. I was not paying attention. It was very dark. I looked and noticed a child on a bike just in time. I was so scared. That would have totally been my fault. I quickly said a prayer of thankfulness and was very humbled. We all have had these things almost happen and some have had something happen. We are praying for you. You are loved. I have been thinking about you.

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  11. Beautifully stated. My heart bleeds for this blossoming , young woman. My prayers are with the Yong woman, and 5he officers family.

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  12. Thanks for your kind and inspired words, I hope that she can find access to them and be able to know others are praying for her too, that peace will come.

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  13. I have a wonderful tender hearted 16 year old son who is just learning to drive. He heard your story and cried. My hope is that you will be able to forgive yourself for what was truly an accident. Praying for peace for you and the officers family.

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  14. That was so beautiful and heartfelt! My heart is aching for everyone involved! I hope and pray their will peace for the young woman and the officers family! Such a sad tragedy!

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  15. Such wise words for one still young herself. A bow to you for your kind words of encouragement and dear heart. Well said!!

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  16. Such wisdom, such compassion! Simply beautiful, may it resonate with her.

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  17. What an inspiration you are. Thank you for doing this! Hopefully she finds comfort and peace.

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  18. Anndee you are amazing!! I've had the very same thought about this little 16 year old girl, as my youngest turns 15 tomorrow and is soooo mad the DMV is closed, LOL. Her life will be forever changed, I hope she has amazing people in her life like Officer Ellsworth that can help her pain heal...God Bless both Families!

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  19. So Nice to Know Many Many People feel Empathy and Love and Hope and desire Peace and Comfort to all involved in this accident. Very Well written and exactly what makes this world have Hope for the future, people like you make a difference. Thank You My Prayers go out to you all.

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  20. I have been thinking about this poor girl on top of our fallen trooper. I hope she knows there is love for her too. She didn't do it on purpose. God bless us all.

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  21. I can tell you that as someone who has been a driver in an accident similar to this at a young age that this experience will forever change someone. You will avoid leaving your room, have constant anxiety in a car, and refuse to drive. I also experienced media converage, a persistent reminder of how I unintentionally hurt a family. But I can say this, that will change. The weight of the situation gets lighter, more mangageable, because I had to adapt through this trauma. I can say this too, sweet girl, that you will never be the same. You age and be braver than you thought you could ever be. You will be ok, from one driver to another, you will be ok.

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  22. Eric Ellsworth is a neighbor and friend. He visited my wife and I in our home just a couple of weeks ago. He came to help replace a broken sidewalk in our front yard on his day off. He and his wife are incredible people with more love than you can imagine. My heart aches for his family. He leaves a HUGE hole in our neighborhood. Every time I think of the sweet little girl I can't hold back the tears. So tragic for one so young and innocent. Thank you Andee for this beautiful inspired message and your lovely words. I hope and pray that the young lady will read this and let it help to heal her heart.

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  23. Thank you for posting this. Might I add to the girl who was driving, I surely hope you are able to read this. I work in Box Elder County, and one of my colleagues lives very close to where the accident happened. We have talked about it and, although we have worried about Officer Ellsworth (of course), we have also worried about you. Our hearts and prayers are also with you and your family, and we hope your faith (whatever it may be) will help you through this very difficult time. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but your days WILL become brighter again.

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  24. Heart breaking all the way around

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  25. I just cried, cried and prayed to Jesus for over twenty, maybe thirty, minutes straight. I had to stop in the middle of reading your article to cry out to Him. Your compassion is beyond measure and certainly indescrible for me in words to thank you. You have helped this young woman, who I also do not know, and an even younger woman involved a tragedy I learned about on the news and was heartbroken for the little girl as it wasn't her fault. You just wrote an article and shared your heart that HAS to help us all- the perfection, consolation, compassion, and encouragement of your words could only come from God's Grace Himself- thank YOU for holding Him in your open heart to share His Glory. For this young woman to get through, for your brother, for Officer Ellsworth's family, for so many. You are a very special woman yourself, twenty five and His Wisdom is within you. God's Abundance to you and your family, as we pray for everyone involved. Thank you for writing and sharing this, I am saving your article indeed.

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  26. Thank you for taking the time to write and express your feelings to this young lady. It was 7 years ago that this same situation happened to my husband on the old Highway between Honeyville and Brigham City.It was a young driver that hit him and killed him instantly. The young driver lived. I can honestly say that I had as much concern for him as I did for my husband. I thought about his mental and physical well being. My children and I never had bad feeling towards him, in fact my kids and I reached out to him and his family, so we could try to heal from this tragedy and not cause more pain. I want the young lady to know that accidents happen and that is why they call them accidents. I thought of my own children and if the tables were turned how would I want someone to treat my children. I had an 18 and 16 year old driving at that time. I want you to know that people were very supportive to both families and that's how it should be. There were a few that said mean things about my husband and the young driver. Please don't read or listen to those who have nothing good to say. They don't have a clue!! I haven't read the letter from the family of Officer Ellsworth that you talked about, but I want to let his wife and children know that my heart hurts with yours. It is a very tuff and hard thing to go through. With a lot of ups and downs. I couldn't have made it through the tough time without my family, friends, prayer and my Heavenly Father. When I thought I couldn't get through one more day, they were all there to help me through it. To both families I want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Sincerely Janice Dunn Helm

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  27. That is so perfectly written and is exactly what I would want to say to her. My heart breaks for her. :( I'm so glad you wrote this and I hope she sees it very soon.

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  29. Thank you so much for posting this!!! I too as a teenager was the cause of an accident that took a life. I too was forgiven instantly by the family. Even after twenty years your words still touched me and brought me peace- thank you for that! After my accident I met with the husband (his wife lost her life in my accident) and he let me know that I was simply a tool our Heavenly Father used that day to help his wife finish her earthly mission and he doesn't blame me. Those words have brought me so much comfort over the years. I hope this girl can find your kind words and realize that the world hasn't came to an end for her though hard to deal with and it will be for a very, very long time our Father in Heaven loves her he understands her pain and he is there walking along side her. Time will heal her wounds and soon people will forget life really will get back to Normal. Like you said this doesn't define her but it will help make her into the person our Heavenly Father wants he to be.❤️

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  30. My dear Anndee, thank you for this perfectly written love letter to someone with a broken heart. I was touched to my soul.

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  31. Thank you for allowing God's words to flow so eloquently through you. Beautifully written and I know these words will find her.

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  32. Very well said! Ever since I heard about the accident, I've thought about you along with the family. I can't imagine what you, your family, the officer's family are all going through. The images and thoughts going through your head have got to be horrible and I hope you will let the forgiveness of the family, thoughts and prayers from all of us offering them, and our loving God who knows all help you through this and allow yourself to heal as well. Hold on to faith and hope! Let the Savior carry you until you can carry yourself. God bless you and all involved!

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  33. Thank you for so eloquently expressing so much of what we all feel. I truly hope that sweet young woman can see this! Haters goatta hate...but we can spread love through our own actions to those around us as you have so beautifully shown!

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  35. I was involved in a horrible accident many years ago in Brigham city. I turned left and hit a motorcycle and thought I killed him.it was dark and he didn't have a headlight on.he flew onto the sidewalk. Was badly injured and I visited him in the hospital. I wasn't able to drive for a long time. I was only 21 at the time but it changed me. Made the headlines in the paper. Thank you for reaching out to her.

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  36. May God be with all involved, may our hearts be pure in knowing that all involved need our thoughts and prayers. God bless all to recover and be strengthened going forward in positivity.

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  37. I think this is beautiful, thank you for writing it.

    My dad died in a car accident when I was 9 years old. I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I believe my dad was headed north on the Interstate, when a driver headed south fell asleep at the wheel. A semi behind him veered into the median to avoid crushing him, but went all the way through the median into oncoming traffic, hit my dad, and killed him instantly.

    Let me assure you that a 9-year-old boy losing his dad is a pretty crappy thing, and it has affected my entire life. So as the victim of a terrible tragedy, I promise that I've never once felt any ill towards the driver who fell asleep, or the semi driver who spared the sleeping driver's life in exchange for my dad's.

    I don't really know the circumstances of why the guy fell asleep at the wheel; I don't know if he was doing something wrong, if he was wantonly negligent, or just trying to keep going one day at a time without being afforded time to sleep as much as he wanted. I don't know, but it's not something I've ever lost any sleep over. As it turned out, my mom is super strong, my four brothers and I are all strong, and our family came together in a time of intense difficulty. It did not break us. Now, I'm not sure I know of any other families that I feel are as close as mine is.

    I don't know how Officer Ellsworth's family will cope, I can only pray that time will bring them the same peace it has brought me. I don't know if they will blame the girl that hit him or not. But as a victim of similar circumstances myself, I would want her to know that she is loved still.

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  38. Thank you everyone for your kind comments and for sharing your stories! It is amazing to see all the love and support this girl has, and I hope it has helped the family of the officer as well.
    If your comment was deleted, please do not try to repost it. I generally don't censor these things but I think it's important to keep such negativity out of this story as much as I possibly can.

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  39. It is such a great thing that we can feel compassion and understanding when an accident like this happens for both families. It changes everyone's lives. Hopefully we will all spend a little more time with our own families and let them know the love we feel. You never know when an "accident" can happen and change your life forever. I for one want to hug all my family in a big hug and remind them yet again how much love I have for them. The young driver could be any of them or the young officer as well. Take care and peace be with everyone involved.

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  40. So nice to read this in the paper. I have felt so much for the young lady. I cried reading this. I got my license at 14, Grew up in Idaho and back then it was 14 for a day license. I hit parked cars, ran my parents van off the road with a bunch of my friends after we decorated football players rooms, etc. I was lucky. I didn't hit anyone but I could have so easily. It could be anyone that finds themselves in that situation and your words had to have been comforting to her. I hope, too, that her name is never released. It was an accident and no one is above them. I pray she can find the peace within herself.

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    1. I also am so sorry for the family of this young UHP. What a tragic thing and right before the holidays. I pray for his family that they may find peace and comfort. I didn't include that in my previous post and wanted to make sure I made it known. Such a tragedy all the way around.

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  41. Anndee,as an out of town subscriber having lived in Brigham City for 13 yrs.I just wanted to say that your article to the young driver who caused the death of Officer Ellsworth was very heartfelt and good to see/read. I hope it is helpful and all concerned will heal from this tragedy.There are victims on both sides of these sad events. Thank you, Natalie Garner

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