One Half

Caleb and I have officially been married for 6 months today. Now, I know that probably doesn't sound all that impressive to those of you going on twenty five years, or even five years, or even one! But let's face it, this is the longest I've ever been married, and I'm one for celebrating trivial things like this. :)
It's one of those weird times where it feels like it's been waaaaay longer than six months, but at the same time it feels like we just got married last week. I've learned and changed a lot in the last half a year. I think I knew all along that marriage would bring about changes, but it's only through the beauty of hindsight that you can actually see the impact it has.
It's easy for me to look at the difficult things. For example, one of the hardest things for me has been feeling like I've changed so much I don't really know who I am anymore. It's not that I don't like who I've become, it's just that sometimes I feel like I can barely remember the Anndee who existed only a year ago. One of the biggest ways I've always defined myself has been through my writing. I can't count (ok, ok, I could probably count, but it's a really high number, so I won't) the number of unfinished word documents on my laptop that are all beginnings of stories I never finished. Ever since I published my book, I've hardly been writing at all. See, I have a huge problem with taking criticism when it comes to my writing. I don't handle negative criticism well at all, and there was so much of it (even though it should have been buried in the good comments) when my book came out, that I slowly started to doubt myself. I stopped writing for me, and I started thinking, "Well this person said to do this" and "this person wouldn't want me to write about that" and I slowly lost all my confidence, and now I have a really hard time writing, where it used to be the thing that came most naturally to me. Even writing this now, I feel like it's a jumbled mess of words that I'm refusing to let myself re-read because I just won't post it!
Now, what does all this have to do with being married? Well, for one, my priorities have changed. I'd rather sit and talk to Caleb than sit and write. And for another, I have so many more responsibilities now. Who knew that even without kids, my entire day could be taken up by work, cleaning the house, cooking, taking care of the dog, etc. etc. etc. (And just a side note: Caleb cooks like 99.9% of the time, so I really have no right to even list that one. But I am, because I pour my own cereal every. single. day. :) )
It was like I woke up one morning not too long ago and realized I'd fallen so easily into my new routine, that I never had time to miss the things I'd once loved. Suddenly I'm someones wife, and I can't and don't want to put myself first anymore. So I'm somehow trying to find a way back to the things I liked about the old me, while meshing it into my new and MUCH loved life.
It's weird.
It's very different.
But I'm really grateful for that great big change that happened to us six months ago, because this boy is wonderful!

So with him by my side, we'll figure out the rest. :)