One Half

Caleb and I have officially been married for 6 months today. Now, I know that probably doesn't sound all that impressive to those of you going on twenty five years, or even five years, or even one! But let's face it, this is the longest I've ever been married, and I'm one for celebrating trivial things like this. :)
It's one of those weird times where it feels like it's been waaaaay longer than six months, but at the same time it feels like we just got married last week. I've learned and changed a lot in the last half a year. I think I knew all along that marriage would bring about changes, but it's only through the beauty of hindsight that you can actually see the impact it has.
It's easy for me to look at the difficult things. For example, one of the hardest things for me has been feeling like I've changed so much I don't really know who I am anymore. It's not that I don't like who I've become, it's just that sometimes I feel like I can barely remember the Anndee who existed only a year ago. One of the biggest ways I've always defined myself has been through my writing. I can't count (ok, ok, I could probably count, but it's a really high number, so I won't) the number of unfinished word documents on my laptop that are all beginnings of stories I never finished. Ever since I published my book, I've hardly been writing at all. See, I have a huge problem with taking criticism when it comes to my writing. I don't handle negative criticism well at all, and there was so much of it (even though it should have been buried in the good comments) when my book came out, that I slowly started to doubt myself. I stopped writing for me, and I started thinking, "Well this person said to do this" and "this person wouldn't want me to write about that" and I slowly lost all my confidence, and now I have a really hard time writing, where it used to be the thing that came most naturally to me. Even writing this now, I feel like it's a jumbled mess of words that I'm refusing to let myself re-read because I just won't post it!
Now, what does all this have to do with being married? Well, for one, my priorities have changed. I'd rather sit and talk to Caleb than sit and write. And for another, I have so many more responsibilities now. Who knew that even without kids, my entire day could be taken up by work, cleaning the house, cooking, taking care of the dog, etc. etc. etc. (And just a side note: Caleb cooks like 99.9% of the time, so I really have no right to even list that one. But I am, because I pour my own cereal every. single. day. :) )
It was like I woke up one morning not too long ago and realized I'd fallen so easily into my new routine, that I never had time to miss the things I'd once loved. Suddenly I'm someones wife, and I can't and don't want to put myself first anymore. So I'm somehow trying to find a way back to the things I liked about the old me, while meshing it into my new and MUCH loved life.
It's weird.
It's very different.
But I'm really grateful for that great big change that happened to us six months ago, because this boy is wonderful!

So with him by my side, we'll figure out the rest. :) 


  1. It really is such an adjustment and will continue to be so with every new element in your life. You will have to redefine yourself over and over again once you have kids. It's not a bad thing, just helps you to grow. By the way I would LOVE to read your book. Writing is NOT one of my talents so I am amazed by anyone who enjoys it, let alone has a skill. With all the changes, make sure to keep time for things you enjoy. Sometimes it may seem selfish, but in the long run it will really help you AND your marriage if you have opportunities to take time out to "fill your bucket" as it were. With all the wonderful things that come your way it's easy to always give and then you can run empty. We all need something to help refill ourselves. Anyway, that was my two cents. You guys are so cute, can't wait to see your house and puppy.

  2. I agree with you that the things that used to be important take a back-seat. Ty used to be obsessed with Football and would watch every game on TV, but since we have been married, it has slowly dwindled down to him DVRing only the BYU, USU and maybe UofU games and watching them before he goes to work:).
    We adapt to the needs and wants of those we love and it may be different, but it usually doesn't feel like a sacrifice. You just need to get in a groove that lets you put some writing in the mix:). Don't let this amazing talent go!