Through Good Times and Bad

I like to have a plan.
When Caleb and I happen to have a day off together, I love crawling in to bed the night before and thinking, "Tomorrow, we can do absolutely anything we want!" But for some reason, by the next morning, that feeling has completely changed. Suddenly, I need to have the entire day planned out. I'm kind of like that with life in general. When I decide I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it! No one can stop me! That's when Heavenly Father likes to remind me that I have absolutely no idea what's going on and sometimes I need to sit down and trust him. It's always worth the wait, so I don't know why I fight it.
But right now, I have no clue what the plan is.
I made a decision to go to school, and I was dead set about going. Then, some major things changed, and after a lot of deliberation, we decided now wasn't the best time for me to go back. Then, the very next day, things completely changed again. I know we will end up exactly where we need to be, but is a road map really too much to ask for?
It has been one crazy year, full of one big change after another. We've had to make huge, life-changing decisions almost every day since we've been married. But this month has been by far the hardest.
One thing I'm grateful for is that Heavenly Father blessed me with Caleb. Even at my saddest, he's right there  making me feel better or telling me a joke. He never seems to think about himself, and I think that's what makes him so exceptional at this marriage thing. Another thing I'm grateful for is that, somehow, Heavenly Father is always showing me how strong I am, despite how weak I like to think I can be. 
These last few days have been some of the most emotionally and physically painful of my life. It has been a rollercoaster for both of us, and I have a whole new respect for people who have gone through this before. And yet I know without a doubt this is exactly how things were meant to happen, and I feel so blessed to be trusted that I could handle something like this. It has made me even more grateful for the gospel in my life. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my temple marriage, and for my strong testimony that I will be with my family forever. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that you're going through a difficult time. Hugs!