The Baby Battles

Let me go ahead and preface this post by saying:
NO, I am not pregnant.
You'll know when I am.
And how much do I have to pay you all to stop asking?

I've known this was coming my whole life. I always dreamed about becoming a mother. But I only dreamed about the things that, as it turns out, don't matter much at all. My main concerns being 1) I hope I'm cute when I'm pregnant and 2) No one I know better steal any of the baby names I like.
I thought being pregnant was all about being stuck in this happy, glowy bubble. I had no idea about the things that can really, really stink.
For one, buying a pregnancy test. I've worked in retail, so I know that pregnancy tests are one of those most stolen items in a store. But seriously, out here in Tremonton, I could get a hold of a Russian mail-order bride faster than I can get a hold of a pregnancy test. They lock those things up behind bars, and you have to get past 3 dragons, a ghost, and a lake of fiery lava just to get to them, then you have to present the cashier with a golden talisman while you recite the secret chant of the pregnant society.
I get that theft was a problem. But 90% of the people buying pregnancy tests want to get out of the store as quickly as possible, and are even willing to hide that loud pink box under some unnecessary groceries, and still the girl from Family Dollar doesn't have the courtesy to put my stuff in a bag? Sure, I don't mind smuggling this out of the store like a thief and praying I don't run into anyone I know in the parking lot.
I am a grown woman. I just got used to buying my own tampons. Can't we just make this one thing not so difficult?
Even that isn't the worst thing. Since my miscarriage last fall, I've realized a lot about having babies that I never noticed before. Like how stinkin hard it is sometimes. I can honestly say that after having a miscarriage, it's hard not to feel like it will be impossible to ever get a child here safely. It's hard not to be jealous of the girls who get pregnant instantly, and then stay pregnant.
It's only been recently that I've realized there is a battle going on between the women in my life, especially those trying to, or in the midst of, building their families.
Or maybe it started out as a battle. But now, it's a full on war.
Because it's not easy. It seems like every stage is full of it's own battles, and everywhere I look there are girls fighting their own battles with motherhood.
But I finally realized something. I could spend a long time being mad at those girls who had babies despite the fact that I didn't... or I could be happy for them. I could realize that they more than likely had their struggles too. I could accept the fact that as women, we have to stick together through this. When I go through hard times, I want someone to be understanding and kind about it. And when I finally do get pregnant, I want someone cheering me on and genuinely excited for me.
And for that to happen, I think I have to be happy for others, too.
It's one of those things we can't base on anyone else. It's comparing our weaknesses to other's strengths. We each have our own timeline, so even though some girls my age already have their 3rd child, others won't have any for 10 more years, or will never have any at all.
So let's just agree to be happy for each other. No more secret loathing when someone makes that big announcement. No more stalking them and wishing it was you.
Because for the most part, I think if we're honest about what we want out of life, we will eventually find it. But not through envying someone else.