Conversations with my Fiance...part one

Scene: getting ready to leave for a friend's house after work.

Me: Oh, my new coat came today! Want to see?

Caleb: Show me!

Me: (putting on coat with as much dramatic flair as possible.)

Caleb: (stone faced) It's kind of big.

Me: It is kind of big. But it's a coat, I guess it's supposed to be.

Caleb: (still stone faced)

Me: I got it online, so I couldn't check the size for sure...

Caleb: (it's as if he's not even in the room)

Me: (getting desperate for a reaction) It's warm! But look...the lining has skulls.

Caleb: Skulls?

Me: Yeah, I didn't pick it. They didn't show that in the pictures online.

Caleb: Yeah, it's pretty big. I thought those were supposed to fit better.

Me: Yeah. It is. Big. Does it make me look fat...?

Caleb: (studying me in my fat coat, clearly trying to think up the nicest way possible to tell me that I do indeed look fat in my too big coat.)

Me: Hey! You're supposed to say, "No, of course not!"

Caleb: (confused, but dead serious) Wait...do you want me to lie about stuff like that?

Awkward silence.

Me: (realizing I'm marrying a man who will always tell me like it is, even if I don't like it, and even if I can't return the coat.) .......I guess not.