Baby Therapy

You know how if you are having a hard time in your marriage, you can go to marriage counseling? Well it's come to my attention (the voices in my head pointed it out to me) that what we are seriously lacking in our society today is counseling for the other relationships in our lives! Sure, I believe our marriages are the most important ones, but I'd still like to have healthy relationships all around. Mother-daughter therapy, to get those rough teen years out in the open and so she can finally confess that she holds the fact that she had to give birth to me against me. (I've been through it now, mom. I understand.) Brother-Sister Therapy, so they can finally apologize for chasing me around with dead spiders and ripping out all my dolls hair (ok that one was 100% Cody) and I can apologize for... Ok I can't think of any transgressions on my end but I'd still like some healing over the spider issue. Even Stranger Therapy, so I can finally discuss how it felt when that jerk cut me off in traffic, or when that lady at the grocery store parked her cart in the middle of the aisle for 20 minutes while she mulled over cereal choices.
All of those would be beneficial, but what we really need is mom-baby therapy. I say specifically mom-baby because dad's (in general) don't seem to have the same problems. Dads are the fun ones who make them laugh and play on their level, then mysteriously disappear when the diapers are full.  
Moms are different. We're there from the beginning. I remember right after Dayen was born, he was screaming like a banshee (that metaphor is overused, but what else can you say? Screaming like someone who got their leg chopped off?) and the second they laid him on my chest, he relaxed like, Oh there you are! It was incredible, but any close relationship like that is bound to run into some problems. 
The first thing I've noticed, and only recently, is Jealousy. He's possessive. I'm telling you, if he was my boyfriend you'd all be telling me to run. Neither of us are allowed to get too close to anyone else, because... Well in his mind, the world would implode. Sometimes, when he feels he's not getting the attention he deserves, he will go to someone else and laugh and play and pretend to be having the time of his life, and all the while he will sneak dirty looks over in my direction like see how quickly you can be replaced, mother? 
This all seems to lead into general inappropriate behavior. I mean, the kid has no concept of what is socially acceptable. To screaming (like someone who just got their leg sawed off) in the grocery store for no apparent reason, to yelling nonsense at the top of his lungs during the prayer at church, it's like he does the opposite of what etiquette and common courtesy require on purpose. Along those same lines is the physical abuse. I remember as a rough and tumble kid always having bumps and bruises, but I never realized being a mom was easily as dangerous. I am always getting kicked, smacked, and poked in the eye. He thinks my hair is a perfect tool to help him stand, and he flings toys at my head just to see what will happen. Just yesterday I walked into the bathroom with him on my hip, and before knew it he had grabbed the bottle of soap off the counter and hit me right in the temple with it. You never know when it's going to happen. You have to constantly be on your toes. And when you inevitably get hurt in public, you have to fight back tears and paste on a smile like, "Really, it's no big deal! I was asking for it!"
And of course, because I feel I should admit some guilt in this relationship, there is the codependency. Although he can go awhile being entertained by someone else, eventually it all comes back to needing mom. His brain must be a constant loop of, "I'm hungry, where's mom? I'm tired, where's mom? I'm bored, where's mom? I pooped, where's mom?" (Which of course leads us right back to the inappropriate behavior!) Whenever I try to edit pictures he will pull himself up by my chair and say "mommommommom" until I can't take it anymore. I mean it's adorable, don't get me wrong. And like I said, he's not entirely to blame here. I've been known to miss him so much in the middle of the night that I sneak into his room and wake him up just to rock him. In my mind, this is a beautiful gesture of maternal love, and bonds us for all time. In reality, it is a nightmare which I always immediately regret, because Dayen is not a kid who takes his sleep being interrupted well, and no matter what I do he is not going to fall asleep in my arms after that. Apparently the only mom who can really get away with that is the majorly creepy one from that majorly creepy kids book, Love You Forever. (You know what I took away from that book? That the moms creepiness was apparently genetic because the son eventually creeps into her window to rock her- forget the fact that she clearly didn't want him to have a key- and that they also might have a sleeping pill abuse situation going on in their house- and also that the author did not put much thought into the phrase that is repeated ten million times throughout the book. You really couldn't make it rhyme, at least?)
I truly believe some sort of mother-baby counseling could really benefit us through this rocky time in our relationship. Until then, I will show him some ink splotches and see what I can glean from that.

No comments:

Post a Comment