Sleeptalking

Our whole marriage, Caleb worked late nights & slept in most mornings. Now that he's waking up early day after day, he falls fast asleep really quick every night. Which should be great, but it's also had one super-creepy side effect: he's started sleep talking. Like, nightly. 

Now this isn't totally new to me. In college I shared a room with my friend who sleep shouted things at me all the time. (My favorite: "You, me, and Kayden! Six o'clock!") But she at least had the common decency to sound groggy when it happened, and she'd fall right back asleep afterwards.

My dear husband, on the other hand, is a wild card. I never know what he's going to do. And I genuinely can't tell if he's truly awake or not. He just says things so clear, too clear for someone who is apparently REMing it up.

Like tonight: I stayed up reading for awhile after he'd gone to bed. When I clicked off the lamp it must have somewhat woken him up, because next thing I knew, he was sitting up on his elbows, his face not one inch away from mine, and just sitting there. 

Me: Caleb? What are you doing?

Caleb: What do you mean?

Me: You're just sitting there all creepy! Stop it!

Caleb: I'm just looking at you!

Me: It's pitch black in here!

Caleb:... But I can still see you. 

Me: (pocket dialing 911) How? 

Caleb: What do you mean how? (and then he scoffs, like I'm the crazy one.)

It's not even like you can talk to him and learn his deepest, darkest secrets. It's literally like being thrown into someone's dream. It makes no sense.

A few nights ago, he turned over and, clear as day, asked me, "Do you still have the same iPhone?"

You mean the same one I had when you fell asleep? Believe it or not, yes! 

Sometimes we play the "you're not really awake" "yes I am" "prove it" game, but it generally produces confusing results. 

Me: Prove you're awake. 

Him: I really am! I don't know how to prove it. 

Me: Ok, you sound normal. I guess I believe you. 

Him: Good. Thanks. I'm really proud of you for throwing this party. 

Me: ....aaaaannnnnndddd apparently you're asleep.

The problem with these late night chats is that they usually wake me up, and I have a hard time falling back asleep. And what's even worse, he never believes me about it the next day! It's getting to the point I think he really believes I make it up for attention or something. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my mind. And he's the crazy one, not me! I'm normal! I'M NOT CRAZY.

So, I'm laying here trying to fall asleep, half afraid that my husband is going to turn over at any moment and ask me if I want to go snorkeling with the queen tomorrow. And there is nothing I can do about it.

This isn't really where I thought life would take me. But at least he's cute.