Diaper Rash

Yeah, you read the title right. I am writing a blog post about diaper rash, because apparently that's who I am now. 
There will come a day when Dayen might kill me for posting this, but he gets the WORST diaper rash. I mean, it's not his fault. He inherited, unfortunately, my extremely sensitive skin, and no matter how quick I change him, most days he is bright red and screaming and can't even sit it hurts him so bad. 
Guys, it's really bad.
So, being the concerned mother that I am, I've of course been looking up every possible way to treat it. I was even tempted to try DoTerra oils, which I fully believe to be a huge crock, or maybe some ItWorks wraps because everybody is freaking out over those these days. (Note to all my ItWorks salesman friends: you guys start making some diaper cream, I might buy it. Because I need that a lot more than I need a quick fix to slightly differ a normal looking persons stomach. Priorities.)
Enter Google. My best and worst friend for all questions remotely medical. After scaring me that diaper rash could be a sign of a much more serious issue, it gave me a few options to try.
And trust me, I tried them all. All the creams and powders, the diet changes. But, lets be real: any of us would get diaper rash eventually if you had to wear a diaper and, ahem, do your business in said diaper. Round the clock, everyday. It's just a fact of life for babies.
But finally this morning I decided something had to be done, and I read you can give them a bath with baking soda. Of course, I didn't think of this until I'd already taken off his diaper, and I wasn't going to put on a new diaper for ten seconds while I went and filled the tub. Besides, by BFF Google told me to let him go without a diaper whenever possible to keep him dry. This was the one hint they gave me that I had any hesitation about. I mean, sounds more than a little risky. But it would be less than a minute while I filled the tub. What could happen?
So I set him on the ground, butt naked (sorry teenager Dayen) and went to fill the tub.
Any of you out there with kids can probably guess what happened next.
I returned, not 30 seconds later, to his carpet completely covered in poop. He had clearly pooped, then crawled through it a few times. (Again, sorry teenager Dayen, but you kind of deserve it for making me clean that up today.) Dega was standing there staring at it all in horror and looking at Dayen like you are gonna be in so much trouble. He should know.
Google fail.
I sort of went into my-house-is-being-destroyed panic mode and realized I just filled the tub! So I carried him (at arms length, mind you) down the hall and plopped my little poop-covered baby in the tub... And immediately realized all I had done was made a little poopcuzzi for him. He squealed with glee while the little poop nurdles floated around him and he tried to catch them. First I tried fishing them out myself (while muttering "being a mom is the grossest thing I've ever done) and then finally realized I would just have to drain the whole tub and refill it. Goodbye, carefully made baking soda mixture I so lovingly tried to use to heal my child's diaper rash. Goodbye, clean tub. See ya later, sanity.

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